cool image: Happy Father's Day

WEEkEND TODAY JUNE 19 - 20, 2010, VOICES, PAGE 8
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By Lee Seow Ser, 05:55 AM Jun 19, 2010

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My father was not by my mother's bedside when I was born. Disappointed as they both might have been, he made up for his absence that day, by showing me the ways of life and imparting important values in the years thereafter.

My father was strict and had a temper. I remember crying a lot as he tried, in frustration, to teach me algebra.

In college, he issued me an ultimatum to improve my promotional year examination results, failing which I would have to quit competitive sports.

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Yet he was also kind and thoughtful. He sent me to school every day. When I was overseas, he sent me birthday, festive and even Valentine's Day cards (a task now delegated to my husband).

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As adults, our views and thinking may well differ. Nevertheless, we enjoy each other's company and remain close.

Above all, he is a good man. I am grateful for his provision, enabling me to grow up relatively well-adjusted.

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Many fathers of those in my generation are regarded as "traditional". Generally much less involved than their wives in the domain of childcare and housework, they are silent men who see feeding the family as their primary duty.

The national movement - Dads For Life - aims to increase a father's involvement with his children.

A young father who may have felt that his own dad could have been a better role model need not look back with regret on his own childhood.

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Instead, he should take charge of his own life and ask: Can I be a better dad than my father was?

Bonding takes time, effort and even creative ideas. Fathers need to spend a lot of time with their children. They should read, talk with and listen to them; play sports, go for walks, or simply eat ice-cream out of a tub on the couch.

They should enjoy meals with their children at the dinner table at home, a table more valuable than any multi-million-dollar roundtable.

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As a mother of two young boys, I fully appreciate the help of a hands-on father.

My husband is my children's resident bed-time storyteller, mega-blocks construction adviser, playmate, diapering machine, milk bottle washer, disciplinarian and hero.

I would owe my husband a big debt if he successfully exerts a strong positive influence on the future fathering aspirations and journeys of our sons. Surely, my future grandchildren will benefit.

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Active, positive and mindful fathering will gain a man rewarding experiences that cannot be bought for all the money in the world. And the father will be happier for it.

By Lee Seow Ser